Chapter 184: The Weight of Guilt
So this was how Commander Johan, who had known Gabrant in his prime, had understood things.
At that moment, Nina, the aide, returned with an armful of documents.
Shiao Yi let the question fade away without replying.
"These are the papers I collected," Nina said. "Shiao Yi, I’ll leave them to you. I’ll make some tea. Please take a little break."
Without hesitation, she dropped the heavy stack of documents right in front of him and then lightly walked into the adjoining kitchen. She had completely abandoned her duties as an aide. Clearly, she intended for Shiao Yi to do everything himself.
Feeling drained, Shiao Yi stretched and decided to take a break from his seat.
He moved to the window and looked outside. From there, he could see part of the great training grounds. Because he was on the second floor, the view was blocked here and there by corridors and buildings, but he still caught sight of golden hair shining in the sunlight.
Dominic was out there, leading the knights in their training exercises. Shiao Yi’s eyes naturally followed him, and with that came a rush of happiness—followed immediately by guilt. He couldn’t help but feel that their happiness was built upon Gabrant’s misfortune.
If he hadn’t forced that reckless teleportation back then, he never would have ended up in this world. He never would have met Dominic.
Even without him, maybe Dominic and Gabrant’s relationship would have remained cold and broken, their bond as father and son finished beyond repair. Or maybe it wouldn’t have. There was no way to know.
But one thing was certain—because of his existence, the rift between father and son had become final. Thinking about "what if" would never solve anything, but he couldn’t change the truth that he was here now. His existence, which never should have been in this world, had undeniably disturbed and destroyed the balance that once existed in Gabrant’s life.
Once that thought took hold, the guilt sank deep into Shiao Yi’s heart and refused to let go.
...
In his private study, Gabrant sat at his desk with his hands clasped, his eyes closed.
He had been in the room for some time, yet not even a cup of tea had been brought to him.
If it had been Lambard, his former attendant, or Eline, the head housekeeper, or Jude, the butler, such neglect would never have happened. With them, he never had to ask—things were always prepared at just the right time.
But now, Gekkai, who had been promoted from assistant butler to full butler, was struggling desperately to fill the hole Jude had left behind.
He was completely consumed just trying to manage the estate, with no room to pay attention to finer details.
Similarly, Jenomis who is promoted from assistant to full attendant was clumsy and inexperienced in every way.
Even security felt unreliable.
He was supposed to have learned from Lambard, but it had become clear that he had depended far too much on his brilliant predecessor.
As for the maids, the furrows in their brows only grew deeper.
It showed just how much Eline’s careful attention and thoughtful management had shaped the household until now.
Those three—Lambard, Eline, Jude—had served him for many years. They were people he trusted. Because of them, he had been able to leave the house behind with peace of mind during campaigns. He had felt so secure in that trust that even after returning from expeditions, he rarely came back to the manor at all.
Even though young Dominic had been waiting for him there, all alone.
No.
It wasn’t despite Dominic. It was because of him that Gabrant hadn’t returned.
The boy resembled Ashe too much. His beautiful golden hair. In childhood, his features were so fine that one might mistake him for a young girl. His noble grace. His will who is stubbornly strong. And when he smiled, it was like a great, radiant flower blooming.
Whenever Gabrant looked at Dominic, he was reminded of Ashe, the woman who had abandoned him. And it tore him apart. The pain was so sharp that he could not even look at his son’s face.
With Jude and the others there to watch over the boy, Gabrant convinced himself it was enough. He told himself Dominic would be fine in their care. With that false sense of security, he left everything to them. He avoided his son. He neglected him completely.
Perhaps that was why, when Dominic finally left, the three of them also resigned, almost as if they had agreed on it beforehand. At some point, without Gabrant realizing it, they had become loyal not to him, but to Dominic. They had raised him, cared for him, supported him since the day he was born. Of course, it was only natural.
But the shock of being abandoned by those he trusted most struck him harder than he could bear. The only small comfort left was that Midas, the cook, had chosen to remain.
Even if it was simply that Dominic had no need for a cook or more servants on his side, for Gabrant in his current state, it was something to be grateful for.
He glanced at the bell he could use to summon tea, but in the end, he did not touch it. Instead, he rested his forehead against his clasped hands.
Lambard, who had originally been assigned as Dominic’s personal attendant, had been especially blatant in his attitude. He gathered up Dominic’s belongings, along with the few things that belonged to Shiao Yi, and left while leading Dominic’s beloved horse, Marengo.
Jude went straight to the vault and withdrew Dominic’s wealth and the deeds to his property. The efficiency of his actions suggested he might have prepared for this long before.
Eline, from the moment Dominic had been born had often spoken harsh words to Gabrant.
"Please stay by the young master’s side more. Please hold him in your arms."
She was a strong woman, one of the very few people who dared to voice her opinion directly to a man whom others feared.