Tutor Su looked at this man, whose past must surely have been dazzling, but who, after some unknown experience, had become the deranged scholar he was today. In his eyes flashed a trace of sympathy and regret.
If this deranged scholar had not gone mad, would the world perhaps truly have produced a scholar whose name would remain in the annals of history?
“Pray tell, Sir, for what reason have you remained troubled all this time?”
Tutor Su sincerely wished to see the deranged scholar before him return to normal. Though he knew he almost certainly lacked the ability, he still wished to try.
The deranged scholar did not reply for a long time. By the time Tutor Su looked again, he saw only vacant eyes. Clearly, after speaking all those things, this man who was never always lucid had once more fallen into madness.
Tutor Su sighed heavily, not knowing what more to say.
Just then, someone knocked on the school’s main gate. After listening closely and confirming that it was indeed a knock, Tutor Su rose and went to the courtyard entrance. Opening the gate, he found a young child bowing seriously, with an old man, hair full of white, standing behind him.
From his attire, he was unmistakably a scholar as well.
The young child smiled and said, “Tutor Su, we were just outside having a snowball fight when we met this old gentleman. The old gentleman said he wished to see the school, so I brought him.”
Tutor Su glanced at the old gentleman and quickly bowed of his own accord. Since he had confirmed the other was a scholar, and much older than himself, he naturally observed the courtesy of a junior.The old gentleman spoke first. “This old man came all this way, drawn here entirely by the fragrance of wine.”
Tutor Su said with embarrassment, “This junior merely warmed a few flasks of wine, but it is nothing fine. If Sir does not mind, please share a few cups.”
The old gentleman was not at all reserved. Smiling, he said, “That would be excellent indeed.”
Seeing that Tutor Su was not angry, the child did not linger, but quickly ran off. With today’s heavy snow, several companions had already called for a grand battle. The little fellow feared nothing, only eager to let them know that in White Tree Town, he had never once lost a snowball fight!
The old gentleman followed Tutor Su into the school courtyard and came beneath the eaves, where he immediately saw the deranged scholar.
Noticing this, Tutor Su gave a bitter smile. “He is also a scholar, but must have some matter he cannot resolve, so he went mad. Though at times he is clear-headed, in his usual derangement he does nothing more than sit quietly. Sir need not worry.”
The old gentleman nodded and said little more, simply plopping himself down before the clay stove. Unreserved, he picked up a flask of wine and drank directly.
Tutor Su did not mind the old gentleman’s familiarity. His own learning was not particularly profound, but his temperament was excellent; no matter what sort of disposition others had, he could always get along with them.
After sitting down, Tutor Su took the initiative to ask, “From whence does the old gentleman come?”
The old gentleman said calmly, “What place is which place?”
Tutor Su frowned, but quickly understood. What the old gentleman was asking was whether he meant his homeland or his usual residence.
Tutor Su said softly, “It seems Sir has also been away from home for many years.”
The old gentleman drank his wine and spoke to himself, “Indeed. When I was young, I always wanted to meet more remarkable scholars, to learn more of the sages’ teachings. So I went out to study. After wandering my whole life, I have scarcely returned to my hometown.”
Tutor Su nodded. He could understand such matters, any scholar with aspirations would be much the same. Traveling to study was nothing special.
“Sir, you must have been to many places, and read many books?”
Tutor Su asked, lifting a flask of wine as he spoke.
“Not many places, but I have read quite a lot of books.”
The old gentleman glanced at the deranged scholar beside him and narrowed his eyes slightly.
Tutor Su did not press the matter. As a fellow teacher, he understood that perhaps he could teach a few decent students in his lifetime, but that did not mean those students would be the finest among men in the eyes of the world.
Seeing the wind and snow growing heavier outside, Tutor Su could not help but ask, “Sir, did you come out alone? At your age, why wander outside? Your body cannot match the young; you should take care of your health.”
The old gentleman glanced at Tutor Su and smiled. “The last time I listened to others’ teachings was roughly sixty years ago.”
Tutor Su forced a wry smile. “This junior only says what I think. If it makes no sense, Sir may simply ignore it.”
The old gentleman did not answer, but said, “In this old man's lifetime, I have taken many students. Some were unlucky and died young; some went astray. But in the end, none denied me as their teacher. At my age, with no children of my own, what more can I hope for?" "All I can wish is for my students to succeed, or at least live steady, happy lives. Yet, alas, there is always that one little rascal, one small trouble, and he collapses, locking himself away. Tell me, when you encounter such a person, can a teacher like me not worry?"
Tutor Su was taken aback, unsure how to respond.
The old gentleman narrowed his eyes and said coldly, “Clearly, he has done nothing wrong. And if he did make a mistake, it is but a single thought’s difference. Mistakes happen; one corrects them, and that’s that. How is it that a teacher, who treats him like a son, would really dwell on it?” “As for matters at home, if the family did wrong and you weren’t involved, how can you not let it go? If you really want to say you have a connection with the family, it’s just sharing the same surname.”
The old gentleman’s rambling left Tutor Su puzzled; he truly could not make sense of it.
The old gentleman gulped down several mouthfuls of wine and suddenly shouted, "That scholar surnamed Zhou said ‘unsoiled by the mud,’ you stinking brat, why can’t you be that lotus flower?"
The old gentleman’s sudden outburst startled Tutor Su, but this Tutor Si held no resentment. Instead, he felt some sympathy for the old gentleman. It seemed he was recalling a student he had cherished and had high hopes for, only for things to turn out differently than expected.
Tutor Su urged gently, "Sir, just do your best. Everyone walks their own path; you can’t control everything."
The old gentleman paused at these words, then laughed, "Good, good, well said! A person walks their own path!"
Tutor Su wasn’t sure if what he said was appropriate, and didn’t know what else to say, so he just watched the old gentleman and sighed.
Every family has its difficult scriptures, and everyone has their worries.
The old gentleman was silent for a moment, looking at the tutor in front of him, having not spoken for quite some time.
After hesitating, Tutor Su asked, "Sir, that student, was he your most accomplished final disciple?"
The old gentleman shook his head, "Not exactly. He’s just been with this old man the longest, and this old man invested the most effort in him."
Tutor Su thought for a moment and said, "Then Sir, this trip you're making, is it to find that student and speak your heart?"
The old gentleman sneered, "And what good would it do? The moment I meet him, he’ll play dumb and act crazy, and won’t hear a single word, that’s what makes people angry."
Tutor Su was startled, but ultimately not foolish enough to be completely unaware. Only now did he slowly realize, and with some disbelief asked, “Sir? The person in front of me, this Sir's student?”
The old gentleman neither confirmed nor denied, only turning to look at the quietly seated, crazed scholar. After a moment, he stood and approached him. Looking at the student whose hair had already started to turn white, he asked, “Do you really think you cannot understand?”
Tutor Su stood, feeling a deep respect for the old gentleman before him. He had long known the scholarly talent of the crazed scholar, and now seeing that this old gentleman was his teacher, he wondered how vast his learning must be.
The old gentleman’s eyes flickered, and Tutor Su even saw the glimmer of tears.
At this moment, the old gentleman no longer seemed like a scholar - he was just a very disappointed old man, looking at a child who had strayed.
There was anger, regret, sorrow, but more than anything, helplessness and tenderness.
After all, if he really didn’t care for this student, why would he have come to see him?
“This old man has waited for you a long time. If you still cannot see through it, then this old man has nothing more to say.”
The old gentleman raised his hand, as if he were about to strike his student.
Tutor Su opened his mouth, but could not find the words.
The old gentleman’s hand rose, then slowly fell, sweeping away the snowflakes from his student’s hair. He said softly, “It is not important to have done something wrong. It is not important to think you were born not to be a good person. The past is already gone and cannot be recovered. The future can always start anew.”
Even after these words, the student remained expressionless. The old gentleman said no more. From his robe, he took out a pouch of silver and handed it to Tutor Su, saying softly, “My foolish student, who knows how long he will keep thinking. During this period, thank you for taking care of him.”
After giving the money pouch, the old gentleman bowed solemnly.
Tutor Su repeatedly waved his hands in protest, feeling it utterly improper that such an old gentleman should bow to him. If he truly knew the old gentleman’s identity, he would have been struck dumb with astonishment.
Since this old gentleman had assumed the position of dean of the academy, he had never even bowed before the emperor. Truly, in the world today, no one could have made him bow like this.
“This old man is leaving.”
Straightening his back, the old gentleman sighed, said nothing further, and turned into the wind and snow. Tutor Su hurried to follow, escorting him to the door, but remained silent, knowing the old gentleman would not want to hear words.
Once the old gentleman departed, Tutor Su returned to the eaves and looked at the crazed scholar.
Yet unexpectedly, the scholar, whether in madness or clarity always so quiet, was now weeping openly, tears streaming down his face.